How do we show our security in marriage?
April 28th, 2008 by Mrs. Fussypants
Men and women both want and revel in the feelings of security that a happy marriage provides. The difference is that we show it differently. Sadly, the natural differences between men and women in how we show our feelings is not widely known or understood.
For a man, a happy marriage is his secure base. At home with their wives, even if in separate rooms, men feel relaxed and secure. A man needs not be actively interacting to show his happiness with his home life. Many men crave time to peacefully recharge their batteries after a long day of facing the world. When men are happily enjoying the secure base that is the presence of their wives it often appears that they are being distant or ambivalent.
I have been through hundreds of rounds of Quiet Man = Annoyed Woman. Personally, I never felt secure and happy with my husband until I had a few positive interactions with him that day. When he was recharging his batteries without actively including me, I immediately felt as if everything was wrong. Until I figured it all out…
As women, we feel connected through our active interactions and the idea of being happy together and feeling secure and fine while ‘ignoring’ eachother is crazy. Often if we do not feel connected to our husbands we feel annoyed and anxious. All to often this feeling leads to the the dreaded harsh start up to try to shock our husbands into paying proper attention to us. You know it never ends well either.
In the future we will discuss how to deal with the differences between ourselves and our husbands to be sure to get our needs met. For now, just be aware and observe these patterns in your own marriage. Once we realize the commonality of these behavioral patterns they lose their ability to drive us crazy. For some reason men and women are different, and understanding how normal our differences are is the key to making peace with them.
Extraordinary Wives may continue at the league!