The Man Code. A Friday Funny.
April 25th, 2008 by Malia
I stumbled upon a funny website called Wikimancode.com. It is full of tongue-in-cheek humor about the man code. I only stopped to read it because I have heard my husband tell the two oldest boys, 9 & 6, that such and such behavior would break the mancode.
I live in the house of men. My husband and our five sons fill our home with rambunctious play, jokes about flatulence, wrestling matches, and a tenderness that is quite touching. I adore living in the middle of this big mass of testosterone, and I thought it would be fun to start the weekend with some man code humor. Here are some highlights that made me giggle.
What is the Man Code?
- No man shall attempt to explain the Man Code to a woman. Since women are complicated, they assume that men are complicated. Women have a difficult time comprehending that men are actually simple. This bias makes them unwilling to accept the rules that govern men. Explaining the Man Code to a woman is like arguing about politics: nobody changes anybody’s mind and everybody leaves angry.
Man Lingo (Mango) -men are not allowed to ever say these things.
- ~Where do you see this relationship going?
- ~Do I look fat in this?
On making imporovements-
- A man will not only repair a fault, but will attempt to upgrade the original item that was broken. The greater the improvement, the more of a man he is. For example, repairing your grandmothers electric scooter and building in rocket power and automatic weapons is completely acceptable.
Crying is acceptable only when-
- When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
- When his team loses.
- When a soldier gives his life for his people and country.
Phone Ettiquete-
- A Man must never talk to another Man on the phone for more than five minutes, unless he is being guided through the bomb defusing process in a hijacked orphanage/office building
Channel Changing-
- Changing the channel while sports are on is not allowed except to see the score of another game. See also Sports.
- Channel surfing is mandatory during commercials. Commercials during games must be changed to another game (until the main game is back on) or can be muted (as an alternative) to complain about how crappy your team is. Must be with another man, and he must agree with you. If you does not, you hold the right to remove him from your house. Complaining alone is whining.
Hygenie-
- While showering a man must spend a minimum of 80% of the time cleaning his genitals, 10% armpits 7% hair (head) and the remainder cleaning his front upper torso, for the rest of the body just being wet counts.
Man Hugs (Mugs)-
- Are to be done only with one arm
- Each other’s face should not come within an inch and a half of each other
- Violently pat on back, but never exceed three pats
- Nearly break the other guy’s rib cage
- Men do not linger
- NOT TO BE DONE FREQUENTLY
Now go and enjoy your man and his silly man code this weekend!